I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
