i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
