It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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