he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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