I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize