Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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