I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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