Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
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