Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
