I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
