Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
