sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
