he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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