I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
