Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
