break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
