tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My vagina is very pro this idea
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