Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
