theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
i think my cat just said my name.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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