Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize