I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
