The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
