I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
