The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
