I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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