The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
