He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
should my penis look like a turkey
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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