Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
What a dumb baby whore.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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