omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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