You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
