I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
