I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
