may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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