Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
