PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
