I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
