I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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