She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
