its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
