Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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