Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
