Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
