No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
