Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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