I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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