How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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