I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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