Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
