so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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