and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
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