I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
they're like a gay fantastic four
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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