i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
