we're blogging at a bar
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
