There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
