The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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