I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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