she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
