They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
