So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
