Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
