o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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