I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
