Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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