The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm at about main and main street
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
