does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
This girl is more easily done than said...
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
