Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
