I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
