She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
