I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
