Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize