WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
