let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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