Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
